Desire Character Before Healing

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If you are a child of God and you understand that you have a ‘calling’ on your life, you WILL suffer much tribulation…


This is a hard one to write about because I have been afflicted many, many times. 3 major stomach surgeries with 87 stitches. 2X, gastroenteritis at 4 years old which I almost died from, ear surgery, throat surgery, C Diff, a long visit to the hospital with depression, ruptured discs in my neck and back, etc.  I could go on and on.

One time in 1993, a friend of mine asked me to come over to her house and pray for her son.  I was ALWAYS praying for her son.  At that time, the disc in my back caused so much pain, it was unreal.  After praying for her son… I told Kris: “You can see I can’t even walk. Can you please pray for me?”   The second she prayed for me, I felt the warm rush of the Spirit of God.  He healed me.  That was in 1993.  That was the ONLY time I was miraculously healed.  I praise God that he touched me and healed me. I was very grateful and filled with God….but:

What did I actually *learn* from this experience, though?  I didn’t learn anything.  Nothing.  I always knew God was/is a healer.. Does healing change the soul, though?

Much later on, I suffered from Peritonitis poisoning.  I walked around for almost 8 months with the poison encased in a 2 liter cyst mass tumor.  I didnt even know what was wrong.  Doctors sent me home, 3x..Please God! Heal me!  No healing….Finally, They took me into into surgery on the last visit to the Dr.  I should be dead but God has other plans for me.  I spent 6 weeks in the hospital.  In those 6 weeks, I had to deal with fear.  I feared needles, Doctors, blood transfusions, even butterfly blood draw needles.  I was deeply afraid of anything “Doctorish”.  God has helped me deal with these fears, and I thank HIM. My fears dissipated through the surgery experience which is more important because fear paralyzes.

I have learned thru many of my surgeries and afflictions that God does not always heal us supernaturally.  More times than not, he walks with us through it.  Long walks, too.  The 6 weeks in the hospital, I learned that the Doctors and Nurses didn’t come around,  for many hours.  I had to be patient.  VERY patient.  People came to see me like a dog walker, a Pastor, a Rabbi, an evangelist… and while those people visited, it was me then reaching out to them in healing words for they were troubled by life.  God reaches and touches people through us when we are weak because it is at that point, that HE IS STRONG.

Presently, I am afflicted with Meniere’s disease.  I suffer from episodes of tinnitus that are very loud.  Sometimes for 6-7-10 days.  Please God!! Heal me!!  No healing…    I have had to ask God to please help me through these horrible episodes because I don’t want to be a bear around people I love.  God has never failed me in this walk with tinnitus.  I’ve learned how to just sit in the quiet and read.  Allow my thoughts to become ‘unbusy’.  When I want to lose my temper because of the loudness of the ringing, I ask God: PLEASE HELP ME.  He does.  And, in asking him to help me, I am asking him to change me, change my attitude and character thru the pain and ringing.  Help me be ‘his kid’ even in this difficulty. He wants us to rely on him thru the pain..

Synopsis is:  Supernatural Healing is not more important than character and change in the heart, mind and soul.  Desiring healing when you are not well is really a cop-out to get out of pain.  Instead: Ask God to build your mind, change your attitude and give you strength to get through it.  God does not want to be your personal magician.  He wants to be your father and your friend.  He can show you his LOYALTY to you in sickness.  Desire character change over supernatural healing.  It’s worth more not only to you but the people around you.